Skin - Part 2 - There will be extra!

Skin.... did I mention the extra skin!  Oh yeah!  I did!  It was a really long post about the cons of weight loss....

Well, I'm going to write about it again because I think it's a evil trick.  I mean, who lets someone lose 130 lbs (116 currently) and then says oh yeah and as a reminder for all the overeating you did in the past, you will now live forever with the weight and undesirable characteristics of excess skin!  Congratulations!  Oh, and don't forget how it will pull and tug at you causing your skin to tear and become sore -- ya know, just as a reminder of your gluttonous habits.  

It's no surprise that when you lose weight there will be extra skin.... you can read about it anywhere.  Of course, the less weight you have to lose, the less excess skin you'll have to carry.  Still, nothing can quite prepare you for the mental battle that this extra skin can cause - I'm going to post pictures so be prepared.... 

It seems as though every time I look in the mirror (without clothes), I'm pinching, pushing, pulling, or tucking at my extra skin.  "If I could just have this removed" or "When I get this removed."  I probably say those two statements at least 5 times a week to my hubby (okay, it's probably more).  

I say to myself, "If I could just have this apron removed from my waist," then I

pull the skin down and to the sides to smooth out my stretch marks.  It looks pretty good.  I can even see my hip bones (yep, I actually have those).  But then, something happens.  While my mid-line is looking a little more human like, I notice the skin on my thighs is sagging something awful.  My saddlebags are nearly folded over and the skin between my thighs appears to have creases as well - fold lines if you will.

Apron.... Zoomed

Then, I am saddened by the realization that no matter how much I think one surgery will help, there will always be something wrong with me.  There will always be that one spot that needs attention.  "Just a little off the sides, a lift here, plump these up...."  

It's gross, it's nasty, it messes with my self image and my confidence.  It keeps me from wearing the dresses I really like or short sleeve shirts.  And you can forget about shorts.  

And while all this extra skin is nasty, my attitude about myself as a human is nastier.  Why is it okay to demean myself so much because of the excess skin that hangs from my body?  I wonder just how shallow of a person I really am? 

I know that if given the ability to have skin removal surgery when I reach my goal weight, I'd do it.  And I also know with everything I have "fixed" I will simply find something else to find fault in.  It's how I work.  I don't think I'll ever just be content in my own skin --- pun intended.  ;)