130 lbs... The Good and The Bad

Last year on January 6th (2017), on weighed 190.6 lbs.  It took a long time, but finally on November 17th, 2017, I hit a big goal.  I weighed in at 176 lbs, I had lost 130 lbs!  It felt great and was only temporarily rewarding as the following week I had gained weight.  My weight went up and down over the next month and I finally dropped down to 175 on December 18th.  It felt good and I was looking forward to seeing that 174....  However, that never came.  Last Friday on my weigh in day, I weighed 182.2 lbs.  It scares me to see the scale go back up into the 80s.  I know I need to make some changes.... Most importantly, I need to record my food again.  I cannot stress how important recording your food is for weight loss.  It is keeps you honest!  

So, technically I have lost 130 lbs (probably 2 or 3 times in my life if we can count each time I gained and lost weight - which we probably should do that).... I just need to get back down to that weight again.  

Losing 130 pounds really was amazing!  I lost my entire self as a senior in high school!  That is insane!  I have energy to move (not so much energy to think) and I can jog further than I remember being able to in a long time.... I mean I can JOG!  That in itself is impressive!  I can tie my shoes and I don't run out of breath.  I have extra room in my coat.  I can buy clothes from the women's section.  All my rings fit (even my high school ring) and some are even too big!  I can paintball with my husband and kids.  I can hike mountains.  

When I look in the mirror or see a picture of myself, I am me again!

Now, the negatives and yes most of them may be superficial, but they are negatives and interrupt my everyday life in one way or another.  

1. SKIN - Lots of extra skin!  This is the worst one really.  My face (my whole face) sags now.  It's okay if I smile, but if I get caught in a photo without a smile, I look like a bloodhound.  Oh, and those wrinkles show up more predominately too.  I have extra skin that hangs off of my thighs when I try to do planks.  And saddle bags for days... it kind of hangs over, almost folds over.  I have skin that hangs off of my tricep area (lots of it) and this is something that really bothers my nieces and nephews (me too).  They like to touch it and ask me if it hurts... um no!  They also want to know if I want it there... um no!  Of course, they don't know what to say, they are just being honest.  In addition to my face, thighs, and my arms, I have skin that hangs off of my belly.... this is DEFINITELY the worst area.  It makes noise when I jump or sit fast (and sadly, sometimes it sounds like I farted when I didn't.... but I think I'd rather people thought I farted than I had a giant flap of skin that plopped down and made a fart noise).  It hangs and flops when I exercise, when I lean over, when I'm intimate.... Pretty much anytime I move!  If I could afford skin removal surgery, this would be my first stop!  It's so horribly embarrassing for me.  
2. BOOBS - I guess I still have boobs.... According to my bra size anyway (36 DD).  Still, I really think I have something that is better described as skin flaps....  Yeah, gross.  I must say 5 months ago, this would have been my number one concern.  However, they have improved a little and are starting to get some of their elasticity back.  Still, they can fold in half.... yeah, I don't know how else to explain that.  They also flop and fall flat whenever I move.  The good news here is they can hide in a bra!  So, people see them as normal.  Therefore, on my skin removal surgery list, this has to move to #2.  
3. Hypoglycemia - Yeah, I'm not diabetic and it's hard to convince the doctor that this is what's happening to me, but the signs are all there.  It generally happens once a month (sometimes more) and I can't quite figure out why.  The episodes are short (less than 15 minutes usually) and can quickly be resolved by eating 5 lifesavers.... I don't know.  I just know it works.  It's a trick I learned by reading about helping kids who were having an episode.  The worst thing is that I literally sweat through all of my clothes.  Okay, that might not be the worst thing....  I also get very shaky and incoherent.  Sometimes I feel like I'm going to start having seizures (I don't know what that feels like, but I feel very weird). 
4. I have nothing else really pressing, but I'd like to go back to #1 and 2.  I thought I would be strong enough to let the skin issues go, but I was wrong.  It is very hard on you mentally.  I can see all the health benefits, but I can actually SEE all the skin and sadly for me, most of the time that gets in the way of me being completely happy. (Sorry, I don't have many pictures that really show the extra skin... even if I did, I'm not sure I'd like to post them....)
   
   

Overall, losing 130 lbs is great, but it is important to know that there are some real struggles when it comes to the extra skin!  Hopefully one day I'll be able to afford the surgeries I want and hopefully they will help me feel more comfortable.  Until then, I need to keep on working towards my goal.  I'd still like to weigh 160....  My original 10 year goal was to weigh 140, but I'm not sure if I really want to weigh that amount anymore.... Right now, I'm just trying to get back down to 176.