I left for my parents yesterday morning. This time, I brought my scale with me. I probably should have left it at home, but I need that reminder to stay on track and I guess if that means dragging my scale along for the nearly two week trip then, so be it!
I know I won't be able to use it on our backpacking trip, but the other days I can. I know I've written about my scale before, but for me, it isn't so much the amount I weigh everyday, just that I am doing it. It's probably one of those things that someone could label, but I prefer to think of it as a security blanket. It gives me peace of mind knowing I didn't gain 30 pounds overnight or that if I eat something I shouldn't it won't kill me (at least not immediately) and that I need to forgive myself and move on. Weighing helps me with that.
Still, I must find some guilt in weighing daily and even bringing my scale along or I don't think I'd write a whole blog post about it. I guess now, I need to ask myself why I feel guilty and should I? Sometimes, maybe, I look into my feelings and actions a little too closely. On the other hand, maybe not looking close enough is what allowed me to become secretly obese in the first place.
And, sadly, I wonder if I will ever stop second guessing myself? Will I ever just be okay with things the way they are or is this something I need to go through to heal?
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