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What's "Secretly Obese"

I've been overweight for more than 18 years.  Still, I never really see myself as being obese.  Most of the time, I don't even see m...

Thursday, July 21, 2016

What's That You Brought With You?

I left for my parents yesterday morning.  This time, I brought my scale with me.  I probably should have left it at home, but I need that reminder to stay on track and I guess if that means dragging my scale along for the nearly two week trip then, so be it!  

I know I won't be able to use it on our backpacking trip, but the other days I can.  I know I've written about my scale before, but for me, it isn't so much the amount I weigh everyday, just that I am doing it.  It's probably one of those things that someone could label, but I prefer to think of it as a security blanket.  It gives me peace of mind knowing I didn't gain 30 pounds overnight or that if I eat something I shouldn't it won't kill me (at least not immediately) and that I need to forgive myself and move on.  Weighing helps me with that. 

Still, I must find some guilt in weighing daily and even bringing my scale along or I don't think I'd write a whole blog post about it.  I guess now, I need to ask myself why I feel guilty and should I?  Sometimes, maybe, I look into my feelings and actions a little too closely.  On the other hand, maybe not looking close enough is what allowed me to become secretly obese in the first place.  

And, sadly, I wonder if I will ever stop second guessing myself?  Will I ever just be okay with things the way they are or is this something I need to go through to heal?  

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